6 Classic Children’s Books to Avoid

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I know what you’re going to say as you read this post. We grew up with these stories as kids and we’re mentally all right…  These are just harmless tales meant to enrapture children with their fanciful plots and well-written characters. Well, parents, that may not be the case ….

61VD0bvQ3dL._AA160_ WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

I literally had to fight for this book in the early grades. It was always checked out of the library and was rarely returned on time. Maurice Sendak’s tale of a boy transported to an island with fearsome monsters always entertained me. The hero, Max, is wearing a wolf suit when he’s sent to his room for threatening to devour his mother. From there, his imagination takes him to where the wild things are. He wants to be their lord and master.

While only a small part of the story, Max develops walking amnesia — forgetting about his parents and his old life. As a result, children who read this tale could be subliminally encouraged and inhibited from expressing themselves in the future.

alice in w ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Lewis Carroll’s lushly written story of a girl who falls into a hole and meets a slew of outlandish inhabitants is indeed a classic. In doing so, Alice ingests a magical pill, hallucinates, and pisses off the bitchiest drama queen in modern literature.

Most experts will agree that Alice exhibits an addictive personality with her taking of pills, potions, and drinks – usually with little concerns for her health and well-being. Therefore, it seems easy to assume your own children could be in danger of crazy looking people offering them ‘recreational drugs’ after reading this book as a child. Just say no……

CHARLOTTE’S WEB      char web

WHAT??!! I bet you’re thinking there’s no way this Classic could damage your child’s mental state. I must be crazy…right?

In this story Charlotte the spider saves her pig buddy Wilbur from being barbecued, only to die later after she births 8 long-legged babies. In addition to having your child’s heart ripped out by the ending, this tale could encourage them to avoid long-term commitments down the road of life. I mean, why like/fall in love/marry someone who could be gone in an instant due to death or take off on a whim with a person they’ve known for five minutes. This book is probably why the divorce rate is so frigging high.

cat in hat THE CAT IN THE HAT

Oh, hell no!! Not this Children’s favorite. Dr. Seuss’ rhyming story about a kooky cat can’t be bad for kids??!!   You know the story by heart. Two abandoned kids are visited by a feline babysitter who torments fish, ruins houses, and – oh my God – juggles too.

Most psychologists will tell you the titular cat shows definite antisocial personality disorder. He does whatever he wants and the rest of society can screw off. Do you really want to take the chance of your children reading this book and growing up to be maniacs, rapists, and lawyers? I think/hope not!

CURIOUS GEORGE    cur geo

Yeah, George is just a cartoon monkey adopted by a rich guardian in a slew of stories written by Marget and H.A. Rey. In spite of their disturbing human-ape bond, George torments his master with pranks, stealing objects, and hurling feces for no apparent reason. (Okay, he doesn’t chunk crap in the books — but you know he does at one point or another.)

According to the experts, George’s ‘criminal’ antics tells kids it’s okay to be rebellious and okays their eventual turn to adjustment disorders. Your children will read these books and start acting out without considering the consequences. (Plus, they could kill themselves if they try to fly off into the air with balloons. I tried as a child…bad ending.)

jack and the beanstalk Jack and the Beanstalk

Okay, so Benjamin Tabert wrote this story wayyyyy back in the 1800’s. Jack sells his parent’s cow for some magic beans and climbs a beanstalk to the clouds. There he pisses off and kills a giant who’s only protecting his property, and makes his way back home with a goose who craps golden eggs.

Experts say that in addition to problems with authority, Jack has a Oedipal complex that suggests kids should kill strangers to win their mother’s love. Do you really want your child to love you that bad??!!

Okay, now that I’ve skewered your favorite 6 children’s stories for a few ‘possible’ reasons for you to keep them away from your kids, know I don’t necessarily think young children can perceive and extrapolate on the misdeeds by the books characters. Just keep this in mind — Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Justin Bieber have read one or more of the stories in this blog post. Do you really want to take that chance….  😀

 

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9 thoughts on “6 Classic Children’s Books to Avoid

  1. You never know when the bogeyman is going to snare your child while reading questionable literature. After all, your child may be a genius who can extrapolate all those subliminal messages. After all, little girls grow up with a Cinderella complex and boys grow up with a Peter Pan complex, so maybe you’re right. LOL.

    • You’re absolutely right. Ultimately it falls on the parents to set a standard. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all a little screwed up in this day and age.

  2. Reblogged this on TheKingsKidChronicles and commented:
    A tongue-in-cheek approach to kid lit. Frankly, I don’t like the movie Frozen. As I listen to the lyrics of Elsa’s song, I’m thinking: Oh, so we’re supposed to teach our children that there are no absolutes, that everything is subjective and relevant. We’re supposed to teach them that they should be allowed to do whatever they want with no consequences. Nope. Not in my house. Unfortunately, my granddaughters love it.

  3. On the other hand, there are children’s books that are obviously entirely harmless, like Thomas the Tank Engine, which teaches that unthinking obedience to authority is right, or Asterix, who confirms that beating up authority figures with graphic violence is perfectly normal…

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